Relationship advice, huh?
Yes! Right now, I'm facing a major problem!
MIYUKI SHIROGANE WANTS TO WORK
I thought only you, the Love Master, would be able to solve this issue!
The ship has already sailed!
I'll see your voyage through to the end!
President!
Here we go again.
I'm at the end of my rope for this charade!
How could I ever be thought of as the Love Master?
How did I qualify for that title?
If a virgin can qualify, I'll get it sooner or later!
The idea of me giving girlfriend advice is ridiculous!
Please, make this an easy one!
That's Miss Kashiwagi's boyfriend.
I thought things were going well with them doing the charity work together.
So, what's the problem?
Right. Actually...
I want to hold Miss Kashiwagi's hand!
BLURT
We've been dating for a month now, so I'd like to do something romantic.
That's why I want your advice on what I should do to hold hands with her!
Why don't you ask a friend for advice?
Isn't this just bragging?
Did he come to brag, pretending he wants advice?
The president has a big heart, but I'm sure even he'll get mad at—
Oh, that.
OH-THAT-ISM
The face of a Buddha?
He brought up something normal.
Even I can advise about holding hands. I can handle the ABCs of love.
The ABCs of love!
Of the many kinds of couples,
the meaning between them differs depending upon the depth of the relationship.
The ABCs are one barometer to measure that depth.
A is kissing. B is petting.
C indicates a relationship that has gone all the way.
This boyfriend is a beginner who decided to begin climbing the ABC mountain.
The stage he is at differs little from fellow virgin, Shirogane.
Listen. Holding hands is simple.
Rent a cruiser, and as you gaze at the sun sinking below the horizon,
let your fingertips accidentally on purpose brush up against hers.
When she looks embarrassed, smile and take her hand.
That's a tall order!
But that's okay.
I guess that's the kind of person the president is!
I-I don't have the money to rent a cruiser.
I see.
Then,
get a part-time job!
A job?
I recommend it.
You work up a sweat. I swear, afterwards, the taste of the water from the fountain...
is as good as cola! I guarantee it!
Why not just drink cola?
The president's workaholism might be coloring this argument.
I'm not saying you need to rent a luxury liner.
Right.
You can rent a small one for 10,000 or 20,000 yen.
But you need to have a license to pilot a boat, don't you?
A small boat license is good enough.
It's easy to get, so I recommend it.
He's got one!
W-Wow! I'm impressed, President!
You can get one by taking a three-day course, and it costs less than 100,000 yen.
But 100,000 yen is a lot of money to me.
So get a job!
Why do you try to keep pushing him into the workforce?
Certainly, you're describing a great situation, but I've got a fundamental problem.
My hands get all sweaty when I'm nervous.
I'm afraid to take Miss Kashiwagi's hand when mine is slick with sweat.
In other words...
you have palmar hyperhidrosis!
PALMAR HYPERHIDROSIS
I don't know what that is, but you're probably right!
Don't make a diagnosis before seeing a doctor!
That would require surgery.
Surgery for hyperhidrosis runs about 100,000 yen!
Get a job! Okay?
TODAY
OGASAWARA
OKINAWA
Why are you obsessed with making him work?
Wouldn't it be more constructive...
to have a sweaty forehead from work than sweaty hands?
That was a pretty good line!
That decides it.
For holding hands, a part-time job is essential!
Wrong! It isn't essential at all!
As it happens, the place where I work is looking for people for summer vacation.
Shall I inquire on your behalf?
President...
Don't worry. I'd be with you.
It's physical labor. It's tough at first.
I'd be there every step of the way.
Please, realize your basic mistake!
President!
The cost of the boat, license and surgery... We're looking at about 200,000 yen.
The job pays 1,000 yen an hour, so 5,000 yen for a five-hour shift.
If you work 40 days, you should be able to swing it.
You'll have a fun summer vacation!
I suppose so.
This is bad.
At this rate, the president's summer vacation will be consumed by working!
After my trouble coming up with summer vacation plans!
They'll all be ruined!
- I'll arrange an interview— - Hold it!
The color of her magnifying glass is pink!
That's the color of truth!
Enter the Love Detective!
LOVE DETECTIVE CHIKA
Fujiwara and Shinomiya?
I'm not gonna let you talk about love without me!
Shinomiya...
I'm not part of this!
I'm not a fool!
It seems you're together.
So, what's the matter at hand?
Yes, the question was how he can hold his girlfriend's hand.
I see.
Huh? Can't he just normally take her by the hand?
What element is gumming up the works?
Well, the problematic aspect is a high psychological hurdle.
Sweaty palms.
After my love sensor went off...
Is that the level of male relationship advice?
That's cute.
You say it's nothing to worry about?
After all, the only advice here is "Do your best," right?
"Do your best"? That's so vague.
It's not vague!
He's so nervous that his hands get sweaty which is embarrassing!
And yet... And yet...
And yet, he screws up the courage, takes her hand, and it works out.
Right?
It wouldn't be fun if you could grab her hand without any effort!
Trying to skip the hard part is a fundamental mistake!
Right?
Reflect on that!
FWISH
I-I see.
I was just lacking in pure will.
Just trying hard is enough?
What about the job?
He doesn't need it!
I don't believe it.
I'll do my best!
Although I've never held hands with a boy myself.
Days later...
On a date with Kashiwagi,
he somehow succeeded in holding Kashiwagi's hand.
At any rate, I'm glad I protected the president's summer vacation.
Results of today's match...
RESULTS OF TODAY'S MATCH:
Shirogane loses.
SHIROGANE LOSES (FAILED TO RECRUIT A PART-TIMER)
Maybe Shinomiya could work there?
No, dream on.
If he really needs someone to work there, he should ask me.
Jeez, club activities suck.
Wha...
Club activities are important.
KAGUYA WANTS HIM TO JOIN IN
Dedicating oneself to something develops the body and mind.
No, I know that club activities are important.
Without them, students would have free time and go on the path of delinquency.
Juvie, suspension, the breakdown of the family.
MOM SOB SOB
In the end, they get pregnant, and we do a fundraising campaign.
Club activities are also a way...
to keep mentally immature children isolated from all that.
I didn't say that!
I mean, yes, there's that aspect to it.
Club activities!
Two pyramids exist at Shuchiin Academy.
One is the parentage pyramid.
DAUGHTER OF THE PRESIDENT OF A MAJOR SHIPBUILDING COMPANY
SON OF A HOSPITAL DIRECTOR
99% of the students at Shuchiin Academy come from wealthy families.
DAUGHTER OF THE PRESIDENT OF AN ADVERTISING AGENCY
DAUGHTER OF A SHINOMIYA GROUP DIRECTOR
DAUGHTER OF THE PRESIDENT OF A FAMOUS I.T. COMPANY
Therefore, this is the ensuing balance of power.
ALL OTHERS (GENERAL PUBLIC)
DOCTORS, PRESIDENTS OF MEDIUM-SIZED CORPORATIONS, PRO SPORTS ATHLETES
It could be called the "Social Standing Hierarchy."
GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS, EXECUTIVES OF LARGE CORPORATIONS
WORLD-FAMOUS
PRIVILEGED CLASS
SPORTS TABLE TENNIS CULTURAL NO CLUB MANGA CLUB (ANIME CLUB)
And the other pyramid...
The Club Caste!
Anyone affiliated with a sports club alone may be popular,
regardless of actual performance during club activities.
BENCHWARMER
Students who belong to no club or cultural club members...
feel negatively about this unreasonable state of affairs.
Those who are serious about it are okay in my book.
But don't the majority put on "We're serious" faces while pretending to be best buddies?
That's a really cold thing.
It's like, what's fun about that?
They should do it as if their lives depended on it!
I swear...
I wish they would all die.
Shoot. Ishigami is off on one of his anti-youth rants.
I have to get him back on topic somehow.
Well, let's put a pin in that.
About the club budget draft...
With the recent recession,
2019 STUDENT COUNCIL (CLUB SPONSORSHIP) TREASURY BUDGET DRAFT
contributions are down.
We'll have to cut club budgets wherever we can.
I definitely want to hear your opinion as treasurer.
Well, let's see.
Going from my experience doing accounting for the family business,
NOTE: SON OF THE PRESIDENT OF A TOY MANUFACTURING COMPANY
I have to say there's a lot of waste in this proposed budget.
We should probably slash the soccer club's budget.
Okay, why?
A lot of the members have girlfriends.
That's your reason?
For the same reason, let's reduce the basketball club and the baseball club's budgets.
How about a 50,000 yen reduction for every couple?
Taxing couples?
Shouldn't those who are happy be taxed the most?
It's a happiness tax.
Even a tyrant wouldn't tax like that! That's just a total personal grudge!
It is a personal grudge, but is that so bad?
It is bad! It's really bad!
You don't understand, President.
You don't understand my feelings!
Hey, you don't have a game this Sunday, do you?
It's been a while, so let's go somewhere!
Sorry. We have practice that day.
Lately all you do is practice!
Sorry, but the tournament's coming up.
I know, but...
Right now,
I'm putting it all on the line for soccer.
Tak...
THROB
You burst into tears?
It's okay with me that they have girlfriends.
I'm so used to it that I don't feel anything about it at this point.
If you've got a girlfriend, go on a date!
Why are you even at practice?
If you've got a precious girlfriend, what could be more important than her?
When I have nothing...
L-Look, you know a lot about computers.
Everyone says the same thing to otaku.
Maybe you should join one of those clubs.
Is it possible to be in a club and also do student council?
Well, Shinomiya and Fujiwara do it,
so it's not impossible.
I see. What clubs are they in?
I believe Fujiwara belongs to the tabletop game club.
I can imagine her enjoying that.
Shinomiya is in the Japanese archery club.
The Japanese archery club?
That really suits her.
How do you mean?
With Japanese archery,
if you've got breasts, the bowstring rubs against them when you pull it back.
But with Shinomiya-senpai's size, there's no need to worry about that.
She's like this.
- Ishigami! - Just like this.
Behind you! Behind you!
FWISH FWISH
RUMBLE RUMBLE
Ishigami!
I hear it's possible to bind your boobs with bandages up to D cup.
I'm sure Fujiwara-senpai is way bigger than that,
so the day she tried Japanese archery, her chest would be knocked all over the place!
They'd be like this!
WOBBLE WOBBLE
RUMBLE RUMBLE
Like this!
Hit the brakes, Ishigami!
Ishigami?
GRIN
FWAP FWAP
You're lucky, Ishigami.
Miss Fujiwara is kind, so she'll forgive you.
She's probably the only one who'd forgive you.
RUMBLE RUMBLE
I'm sure of it.
President, I'm going home to write my will.
S-Sure.
But don't die.
It was a life full of liking big ones and small ones.
Were you two at your clubs?
Yes.
President, please increase the budget of the tabletop game club.
I'll give you a cola.
DAUGHTER OF A POLITICIAN
Don't offer me such an obvious bribe.
But I've never been in a club, so I don't know what it's like.
Really?
Then, you should join my club.
No! If I said that,
it'd be like saying I wanted to be in the same club as the president!
I'm not really that...
Then why don't you try joining my club?
Tabletop game club, huh?
President, the budgets for the cultural clubs haven't changed much.
If you're there to observe as a member of student council,
then logically, the sports clubs have had the major budget changes.
No, my club is special!
We always buy new games, so it's like a money pit!
That doesn't endear me.
My club! Please join my club!
No!
You can't, no.
Well, I don't really have time to join a club because of my part-time job.
But I like this situation. It feels like I'm popular.
I won't tell them I can't!
Results of today's match...
RESULTS OF TODAY'S MATCH: SHIROGANE WINS
Shirogane wins.
BECAUSE FOR A SHORT TIME, HE'S ABLE TO FEEL LIKE HE HAS A HAREM
I WANNA BE POPULAR. I WANNA BE POPULAR.
PSYCHOANALYSIS
So, Pesu put Father's shoe in his mouth and ran off.
Father chased after him, yelling, "I'm not bread from Shizuoka Prefecture!"
KAGUYA WANTS TO CONTROL IT
I held my sides with laughter!
I love how you laugh, Miss Kaguya.
Wh-Where's that coming from?
After all, a long time ago, you didn't even crack a smile!
When we were in middle school, they called you "Kaguya the Ice Princess."
It was like you were in your own world.
I was like that back then, wasn't I?
After joining the student council, you were on bad terms with the president for a while.
Shirogane, would you not look at me?
You were looking at me first.
It was as comfortable as sitting on thorns back then.
I-It was like that back then, wasn't it?
I kept my distance from people because I was afraid.
Miss Fujiwara was the only one who stayed by my side despite that.
I have to treat her better.
It's my dream to see you roar with laughter someday!
I wouldn't let myself lose control like that.
That's what you say,
but I bet you'd laugh if you saw my Pesu doing tricks.
It's amazing!
His wiener!
Is something wrong, Miss Kaguya?
I-I understand! You mean your dog's trick, right?
Perhaps you balance a hot dog on his nose, and he waits for a command to eat it.
I knew it!
But I was just shocked to hear the word "wiener"...
Anyway, he does the normal trick like putting one or two paws in your hand,
suddenly coming out of the mouth of a cute girl like Miss Fujiwara!
but his wiener is really weird!
How can I explain it?
It hangs all the way to the left!
M-Miss Kaguya?
Sorry. I choked on my tea.
SHIVER SHIVER
Wh-What is this?
Why am I laughing when I hear the word "wiener"?
Dirty jokes!
EASY PHYSICAL EDUCATION
After learning from past mistakes,
Kaguya has begun to study the facts of life.
HMM HMM
However,
regarding slang and metaphors, Kaguya's knowledge is still at the level of a young grade-schooler.
But Pesu is sneaky!
His wiener gets big when there's food, but otherwise, it's just a tiny stump!
NORMAL
So, right now,
SMALL
Kaguya is at the stage where kids laugh at words like "wiener" and "boobs"!
BIG
NORMAL
SMALL
BIG
Everyone goes through this period, and Kaguya is smack-dab in the middle of it!
NORMAL
SMALL
BIG
Kaguya?
Stop it already!
If she realizes I'm laughing at a vulgar word like that,
the Shinomiya family will never live down my shame!
It's my dream to see you roar with laughter someday.
Making Miss Fujiwara's dream come true with a wiener would just be despicable!
I have to reset my feelings!
Are you...
Wiener.
Please! Stop it!
I'm begging you!
M-Miss Kaguya is roaring with laughter!
I'm thrilled!
Fujiwara's dream came true.
M-Miss Fujiwara?
You will stop, won't you?
Of course she wouldn't stop.
WILLIE THE ELEPHANT NICE TO MEET YOU!
Just as a parent will continue tickling their child...
Wiener! Wiener! Wiener! Wiener!
when the child demands them to stop,
nothing could make the overjoyed Fujiwara stop!
This is fun!
President?
Hi.
President.
Listen, Miss Fujiwara! Don't you dare do that in front of a boy!
GRIN
She's not going to stop!
It'll be okay. I'm a young lady.
I could never say that word in front of a boy.
At least not out of my mouth.
No! There's some hidden meaning to her words!
Say, President!
What do you call that little dog that looks like a sausage again?
Dachshund?
Wiener dog?
She intends to make the president say "wiener"!
If the president says that word,
I won't be able to keep myself from laughing!
I can't let the president say "wiener"!
But isn't there another weird expression for it?
I gotta stop this!
Think!
Use all of your brain cells, Kaguya Shinomiya!
Oh, isn't it "wien"—
Hot dog!
I heard that's what they sometimes call it in the U.S.
What's that Viennese breaded, pan-fried cutlet called?
- Wien— - Schnitzel.
It's similar to our tonkatsu.
What's the common name for a hot dog?
- Wie— - Frankfurter!
The term comes from Frankfurt, Germany, where sausages like hot dogs originated.
Um, what else? What else? I can't think of anything!
What? What is this about?
I held the fort!
Now the president won't say the word "wiener"!
I'm out of danger!
Darn it! President, I wanted "wiener" to come out of your mouth!
Every time you were about to give me "wiener," Miss Kaguya would get in the way!
P-Perverts!
I would never do anything like that here! What in the world are you thinking?
Are you nymphos?
Are you nymphomaniacs?
I...
I'm not like her!
Why...
is this happening?
Wiener.
BFFT
Enough! Stop it already!
That's too funny!
I've had enough wieners!
Miss Fujiwara, when are you going to be satisfied?
Stop torturing me with wieners!
Miss Kaguya, your response just makes me feel so good.
S-Something unspeakable is happening behind this door!
Why don't we switch? You take the wiener part!
No way! You won't see that come out of my mouth!
Oh, like you never have before!
One or two more wieners won't hurt!
Forget it!
Wiener!
Wiener! Wiener!
Results of today's match...
Fujiwara wins.
Wiener!
Um, do you have one?